I wonder all the time, why humans are so impatient in finding love? Especially women. Why are women so thirsty to be loved and cherished by someone? I do agree with the fact that it’s their nature to be praised and loved. It’s their demand for survival. But is it so important like our breathing? Can’t we live without love? Or we are so insecure that we need support all the time for our survival. Why is that? What will happen if we will get rid of all the relationships that are hurting us badly. But in reality, we aren’t getting over them just because of the fear of living without companionship or without the so-called “blessings of love” which are actually an ordeal of love.
The difference between the real love and the idea of love:
As you can see that people are nowadays obsessed with the word love. Though they know or don’t know what that is. Just because so many people claim that they are in love, the remaining people while copying them, nod in the same direction.
However, there is a marked difference in being in love actually or imposing the feeling on yourself. There are two things basically. You need to understand what category you are in right now. The two categories are;
- Being in love actually with a person.
- Just loving the idea of love.
Now, People often confuse loving the idea of love, with actually falling in love with someone. Sounds intricate? Let me explain.
You saw your friend or brother or sister in a relationship with the opposite gender. They are so loving and caressed to each other. They take care of each other, show possessiveness about each other, don’t let go of each other for long and you are simply loving their chemistry and this sort of love. Because you too want to be loved this way. But you haven’t just met the right person.
On the other hand, you want it so desperately that eventually you end up imposing that kind of feelings for any person who comes into your mind first when you think about love.
Although deep down you know that this person and you aren’t compatible or you don’t have that chemistry, but you manage to satisfy your mind by saying to yourself, “It’ll happen one day. I’ll make him/her love me more than anything”. But in fact it’ll not happen, rather you are hurting yourself.
So the difference is
actually created by your mind. The real love is not built, it is gifted to you. You don’t have to acquire it, you are bestowed by it. Following the idea of love just makes you cling to one person and keep begging them for their attention. You don’t have to ask for attention and care in an actual love relationship. It will be given to you unconditionally.
What bad effects does one sided love put on you? Health complications:
You may not notice but one sided love to put bad effects on your health. The person you were before having the feeling of love has quite changed to the person you are today. If you observe it, You will be shocked. The common and rather notable health issues that haunt you down are;
- Stress and anxiety.
- Panic attacks.
- Extremely low self esteem.
- Weaker immune system.
- Zero confidence level.
- Stomach disorders.
- Self hatred.
- Dark wrinkles under the eyes.
- Loss of appetite.
- Weight loss/gain.
- Losing the power of taking decisions.
- Self pity.
- Losing interest in beautification.
- Develop the habit of sigh often and cry with no voice. (very dangerous for heart health)
- Lose interest in family and friends, become introverted.
- Having a firm disbelief in relationships or in love.
- Negative thinking about some people sometimes.
These kinds of diseases that are mentioned above are not the minor one. These are rather dangerous diseases that could turn into something big, which will be unfavourable for the person and his family.
What are the most suitable solutions for this kind of issue?
For your understanding, I wrote the word solutions however, these are more like therapies. With which you will be able to heal yourself. The only thing that you have to do during the process is never give up. Just keep on processing these therapies. Only then you will be able to do what you are aiming for. If you skip any of the steps, the rest will have to be repeated again. So think before doing it if you actually want yourself back and happy again. Then start doing it.
- Grief on the loss of your heart, feeling, emotion and time that you have invested in that person tirelessly: Yeah! That’s right, if you keep telling yourself that I am strong, I’ll not cry, I can do it. Then know that you can’t! You can’t get over it without mourning it. It was one sided love. Your mind (even which wasn’t on this side), heart, and soul have put hundred percent in it and as a result get nothing but rejection. It’s your right to grief and cry as hard as you want. Take all out of it. Sit and remember your efforts that you have done in order to achieve him or her and cry as hard as you can, whether it takes a couple of days. But mind you! It’ll be one shot only. You will not repeat it again. And you MUST have to obey this rule. Once, you will cry or mourn, you will not do it on a regular basis or frequently. Cry for once and that’s it.
- Consider all humans imperfect and cannot love you for your whole life: This is a universal fact. Humans are imperfect. Only the creator of these humans is perfect. But we expect from humans to love us unconditionally. Especially women. They tend to believe that the person they love will love them for their whole life and will not look at any other woman no matter how beautiful and attractive other women could possibly be. And this is the biggest deception. No man can love only one woman through the course of his life. No matter how much living and caring she is. It’s not in their nature. At some point of their lives, they will definitely fall for some other woman and will not tell you that or maybe show you with their action. You however, in the first place should mentally prepare yourself for such a situation. It doesn’t mean you have to think negatively for the person. But consider the fact that they are born this way. They are merely humans who can make mistakes and choose other people over you.
- Understand that you were attractive to the good traits of that person and it’s over! you can move on now: One strong advice from my side, never ever depend too much on your beloved’s thoughts and imaginations that comes into your mind while fantasizing your beloved. Initially, when we like somebody we find ourselves in love with him or her from head to toe, for those good traits which perhaps we also have in ourselves but we don’t realize. Just because we are attracted to them so much, that’s why we think they are the only ones who have such qualities. But in reality, these are the things that almost every good person may have or sometimes it’s we who exaggerates their traits in our mind. And when the sun comes up and reality sets in, we find ourselves shattered about how can such a good person behave like this? We need to understand the fact that all who live on this planet are humans. We are not angels. Humans can make mistakes. They can make mistakes. If they use us and leave us, it’s their calibre. We cannot blame them for that. Maybe their brooding was done this way. You choose your path. You do what your heart and your calibre ask you to do. And make sure it must be graceful. Considering them mere humans with imperfections will help you forget them soon and easily.
- Engage yourself in such good activities that can’t let you go without getting a result: Distractions are very important. When your aim is to get over with one sided love. Try to engage yourself in such good and healthy activities that are proven to be fruitful. And which can help you forget the pain you bear in love. These activities could be anything like, creative writing, reading good books, gardening, teaching, self beautification and cooking. Remember activities should be those with which there are zero chances for you to get caught up in the haunting memories of your beloved. Don’t read those books which are about love. Don’t write about relationships. It will give glimpses of your past. So don’t torture yourself doing so. Daily exercise routine also helps a lot. Daily running, jogging and warm up sets of exercises will not only engage you but also a good shape of your body will make you happy. And happiness is a life when you are trying to forget one sided love.
- Set big goals for you: Achieving small brings small amounts of happiness and satisfaction. The bigger goal you achieve, the greater would be the happiness. Plus, your maximum time will be invested in the process. Which helps you think less about anything else unimportant. For instance, you are trying to get over with one sided love, you have done a master in English and now you took admission in M.Phil. It will take almost two years to pass the final exams and get your degree. As you can see it’s a big goal and when you achieve it, you will be mature enough to understand how silly you were back then. Also the happiness of getting one more degree of your field will fill you with innumerable pleasure.
- Spend some quality time with your religion. Maintain your spiritual connection: Many of you don’t take this seriously but it does have a certain amount of strong impact on your life. When everything goes wrong, religion comes forward to heal you. Love is the only sin that leads you to prayers. And when it comes to a one sided love betrayal post healing process, it’s only your religion and spiritual faith which will grant you solace and peace. When you spend time in prayers and penetration in your religion, it will give you a vast impression of this world and provide you ways to deal with your problems. If you get intouch with your religion and your spiritual connection is strong, you don’t need anyone else to depend on. Rather, you will find a way to not to cry and sigh about the betrayal you have faced earlier.
The final words:
Love; it is the most experienced emotion in the world. And the majority of the world is ditched and torn by this emotion. The bad part is age, gender and class don’t matter when it comes to love. And age somehow can be tolerated but what comes between the accomplishment of love is class and gender. Same sex people if fall in love with each other cannot receive respect and honour from the society. Same as social class, if not parallel or near to each other, cause a big time hurdle in the accomplishment of love.
But what matters is those two people’s decisions, which they take for their lives. If they are loyal and loving to each other and ready to break the stereotypes, they can create history. The main and basic food of love is the partnership and their loyalty. If they are loyal and extremely loving to each other, they can be together no matter how much opposition is in their way. How imbalanced their social class is, how much age gap is between them. Afterall, “AMOR VINCIT OMNIA.”